Frustrated That Baby Won’t Be Put Down to Nap? Here’s Why That’s Totally Normal
If your baby instantly wakes the moment you put them down, you’re not alone. Many parents wonder if they’re “spoiling” their baby by holding them for naps, but in reality, contact naps, babywearing, and keeping your baby close are biologically normal behaviors that actually promote long-term independence.
Contrary to the belief that babies need to be “trained” to self-soothe or sleep alone, research shows that responsive, attachment-based parenting—where babies’ needs are met quickly and consistently—actually fosters confidence, independence, and emotional resilience in children. Babies who feel secure in their attachment to their caregivers are more likely to explore their environment freely, knowing they have a safe and loving base to return to if needed.
So if you’re feeling frustrated that your baby won’t nap unless they’re on you—rest assured, it’s not a bad habit. It’s exactly what they’re designed to do, and it’s helping them grow into secure, independent children.
Why Your Baby Wants to Be Held for Every Nap
Human babies are carry mammals, meaning they are born needing constant contact for optimal development. Unlike nest mammals (like rabbits) or cache mammals (like deer) that leave their young for periods of time, human infants rely on external regulation from their caregivers for temperature, heart rate, breathing, and even digestion.
This is why newborns settle best when being held—they are biologically designed to be in close contact with their parents.
Rather than seeing contact naps as a “bad habit,” embrace them as a chance to bond, relax, and support your baby’s natural need for closeness. If you need your hands free, babywearing (covered later!) is an excellent way to support naps while maintaining mobility.
Bed Sharing: The Natural Way to Sleep (When Done Safely)
In many cultures around the world, bed sharing is the norm, and research supports its benefits when practiced safely. Safe bed sharing can promote:
• Better sleep for both baby and parent (babies tend to wake more frequently but for shorter durations).
• Easier breastfeeding access, which can support milk supply and infant weight gain.
• Regulated breathing and heart rate, as babies synchronize with their parent’s rhythms.
Safe Bed Sharing Guidelines:
If you choose to bed share, follow the Safe Sleep Seven for breastfeeding mothers, as outlined by La Leche League:
1. No smoking—neither parent should smoke, as it increases infant sleep-related deaths.
2. Sober parents—avoid alcohol, drugs, or sedatives that impair alertness.
3. Breastfeeding—studies show that bed-sharing safety increases when the mother is breastfeeding.
4. Healthy full-term baby—bed-sharing is safest for babies who are full-term and gaining weight well.
5. Baby on their back—never place a baby on their stomach or side to sleep.*
6. Safe sleep surface—a firm mattress with no pillows, heavy blankets, or gaps where baby could become trapped.
7. No overheating—dress baby lightly and keep room temperature comfortable.
For families who prefer a separate sleep space, sidecar cribs (where the crib attaches securely to the adult bed) offer a great compromise, allowing for closeness while maintaining a separate sleeping surface.
Babywearing: A Hands-Free Solution for Contact Naps
If you’re feeling stuck holding your baby all day, babywearing can be a lifesaver. Wearing your baby in a carrier allows them to get the closeness they crave while giving you freedom to move around. Babies who are worn close to their caregiver experience:
• Improved attachment and bonding
• Reduced crying and fussiness (especially in the “fourth trimester”)
• Enhanced digestion and reduced reflux due to being upright
• Better physical development as baby’s muscles and posture strengthen
There are many types of carriers, including wraps, ring slings, soft-structured carriers, and meh dais. Choosing an ergonomic carrier that supports baby’s hips and spine in an “M” position (knees higher than bum) ensures healthy development.
Not only does babywearing benefit babies, but it also frees up a parent’s hands, making daily tasks more manageable while keeping baby soothed.
Meeting Your Baby’s Needs Now Promotes Independence Later
One of the biggest myths in modern parenting is that responding quickly to a baby’s needs will make them overly dependent or clingy. In reality, research on attachment theory has shown the opposite to be true:
• Babies whose needs are met promptly and consistently develop a strong sense of security. This allows them to explore the world more confidently, knowing they have a safe place to return to if needed.
• Children raised with an attachment-based approach tend to become independent earlier than those who are pushed toward premature independence.
• Securely attached children grow into emotionally resilient adults who can form healthy relationships, self-regulate, and handle challenges with confidence.
When a baby knows that their caregiver is consistently there for them, they don’t have to waste energy feeling anxious or uncertain. Instead, they can freely explore, play, and engage with the world, knowing that they have a secure foundation of love and support to return to.
This is why contact naps, bed sharing, and babywearing don’t create “bad habits”—they foster long-term emotional security.
Final Thoughts: Trusting Your Instincts
Modern parenting culture often pushes independence far earlier than is biologically normal, but keeping babies close is not a bad habit—it’s the natural design of human development.
If your baby wants to sleep near you, be held for naps, or stay close to your body throughout the day, they are following the instincts hardwired into their DNA. By embracing safe bed sharing, contact napping, and babywearing, you are not only making life easier for yourself but also meeting your baby’s deep-seated need for connection, security, and regulation.
So the next time you feel frustrated that your baby won’t be put down to nap, remember: you’re not creating a problem—you’re meeting a need. And in doing so, you’re raising a child who will feel safe enough to explore the world with confidence.